Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
