I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
