my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
