Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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