i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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