I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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