Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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