I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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