On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
