Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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