Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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