Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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