She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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