i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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