he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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