just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
