Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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