I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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