genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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