oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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