And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
