loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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