My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
