everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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