How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
