He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
