My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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