At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
