After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sober January is a disaster.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
