we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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