I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
They have beer where we have blood.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
