An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize