She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
