dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
