Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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