oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
