Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
