Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
