Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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