i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
