Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Please don't give away my fajitas
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