Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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