my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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