Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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