He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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