you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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