$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
