Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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