this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
