I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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