dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
