i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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