he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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