he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Come on in and take your pants off
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
