Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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