remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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