did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you had me at cake vodka
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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