I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
