There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
