We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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