i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
