i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
