I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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